Maureen. I divorced my now ex husband,after forgiving him many infidelities over our ten years of marriage, Why stay with him? you ask! well, we had two wonderful children and I believed in putting up a fight for my relationship and not giving up so easily, But alas! my dear readers, The final blow came when I discovered he had a family elsewhere, and also was having yet another affair with a woman from work.................. So I'm afraid that was the END ...............of my marriage.I am now single and will remain so, As, who can you trust out there reader's??????????.  

My sweet Gina, I know your post was a long time ago, I just joined this site and your post caught my heart.  How are things?  I was a cheater and it was not my husbands fault, I was looking for something.  After many many years of mistakes I realised I was looking for my true self and God, which I have found both now.  I can look back now and some of the reasons I did it was fear of being whole and honest with my spouse, never learning and sharing with him, fear of rejection.  What ever u choose please learn to forgive him as u will suffer if u do not and it was not your mistake, the only mistake is not to forgive.  Learn how to really communicate with your partner, learn to LOVE yourself and God helps allot if u choose his path.  Love Deb

Do you really want to wait and delay your chances of meeting a nicer guy?

As woman, we don't get any younger.  Time is always ticking...

I'm older (and wiser - I hope).  Trust me, once a cheet, always a cheet.

Don't squander your youth and beauty on someone who doesnt deserve you!

Well! well!,Life is not a bowl of cherries,It's what we make it, and being with a partner that cheats is still a "BIG DEAL" as far as I'm concerned, it is not alright to make promises of fideliity, and then go off and "CHEAT" it's "CRUEL & HURTFUL,Are these so called human beings really that emotionally imature, to think that the blinding pain, fractured promises & broken vow's they inflict is going to be forever acceptable, or that they will receive a minor ticking off from the cheated partner, before tea. That special bond is lost forever. The deceit is immense.They have no moral code.Lying to the people you love most is cruel.To dismiss an affair as a minor "blip"could not be further from the nasty, sordid, embarrasing & humiliating truth. 

You're right, but so angry and hostile.

Alas! you are right! also,"Angry", you bet, Why?, You would have to walk in my shoes, as word's can never explain my ...................Anger!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hostile.................. The price some of us pay for being on the receiving end of the dreaded DEED.................. But time will help the healing process I'm sure, first we must release all the negative, Be honest about how hurt we feel, about how angry we feel, about how such an issue does also bring forth our inner hostilities.THEN and only then can we begin to heal and hopefully one day find REAL, honest ? true LOVE again................................ if that's what we want. some do! some don't. I, me, very much want to grab it once again with both hand's. but first I need to let out the anger ?hostility!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,  dear reader, of my weakness's, and not let it turn septic inside. I'm setting myself free, so I can LOVE again.You bet ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't give up on me yet, There is alway's hope, don't sound so afraid, it's ok! to express your dark side, and get rid of it for good. Don't cling on to it.LET IT OUT..................................... 

There are good men out there.  I know.  I am married to one.  Never cheated and (hopefully) never will.  Don't give up hope.  You will find someone deserving of you.

Thankyou MaryLou, I'm sure you are right.i can wait for the right man to come along!

Anonymous:

To say a person cannot change is like saying that the is no possibility for growth. forgiveness is a vital key to growth. It will still boil down to a personnal decision.

Been there

 

I think this is spot on.

My husband cheated on me prior to us getting married. I tried to break it off with him several times both before (but for a different reason) and after the incident. He convinced me he wanted to be with me and only me, so being in love I did.

It's been three years since, and we are genuinely okay. It's taken me this long to heal as well, but I definitely know he's being faithful.  

I'm not going to say keep him around. But just keep in mind that people DO make mistakes, and maybe there are things he can work on to make it up to you.  

I believe ALL and ANY commitments/marriage should always be respected.

If one is not happy then they should have enough respect for the other

and tell them.

ah huh!  i can relate...  (6 yrs ago.... i left my ex) i think if i try to heal my pain associated with my ex and his cheating.... or try to forgive him and place what belongs to him...... his garbage... his guilt.... his need to be dishonest... ect...  if i give it all back to him.... and go on with my life  .... i will be able to have a wonderful relationship..... no no no.... it is not that simple i guess.... i am not sure exactly what i am needing to do to release my-self from the past hurt of my ex and his cheating.... i have cried many, many times... i have not allowed my-self to be responsible for his garbage.... but deep inside i still hurt.... i still fear.... i was recently in a relationship and this man.... stayed at work late.... till 2-am or sometimes 4 am .... mean while i am waiting for him to come home..... he choose to not tallk about anything at all, except for whatever was in the moment. there was so much simularity to my ex and his behaviors and patterns that i had to end this relationship..... this all disappointed me because i really wanted a relationship.... but this man was not going to be the one i spend the rest of my life with..... i think i would for the sake of my fear of being hurt .... i think i would rather be single for the rest of my life..... sounds depressing ... but at this point in my life.... i need to work on forgiving me for making choices that caused me hurt.... i need to love me more then i love anyone else.... i need to be able to take care of me..... and not worry if mr wonderful is around the corner..... some day when i am not looking my prince will come.... when i am ready on the inside that is.... 

I have just read your very deep feelings on the subject of "infidelity".I am Maureen, you may have read mine on line. I totally agree with what you say about forgiving yourself for your choices in love. I myself walk that very same path with you, you are not alone Lifespirit,I too, hope to find the love of a decent man after my wrong choices in love,   He is out there, and I will meet him one day. So may I say good luck to you in your pursuit of happiness Lifespirit,  Dont give up.Keep your chin up.be happy............................

I Think A Male Point Of View Is Needed Since You All Have Pretty Much the Same "Going Nowhere Attitude". See It Like We Do (Well For The Most Part). No! Its Not That We Like To Do It, No! Not Everyman Does It, Its Not That We Don't Care, Yes We Do Feel Just Not The Way Women Do.

There Is No One You "Can Trust" Out There In The World Because Trust Does Not Come Out In, But From The In Out. Trust Is A Blind Faith With No Stings Attached Otherwise It Wouldn't Be "Trust" It Would Become Conditional Love. That's Where Marriage Or The Common Conceived "I Give You Me In Exchange For You Giving Yourself To Me. Which We Think Is Love But Really Its Just A Conditional Love.

Now, You Will Never Find Love!!! Why? Because When We (Think) We Have Love But Only Comes From Outside Sources We'll Always Doom Ourself To Pain. We Are Love And The Perfect Beings Already. Its Your Beleifs System That Are Not Working For You And You Need To Change. You Will Always Have What You Are Willing To Put With.

So Come On, Stop With All These "I Hope", "I Know That I Will Find The One", etc,etc. Hope Alone Will Not Keep you Afloat On A Sea Of Your Own Doing.Stop Living In The Past! Forget It, Don't Focus Too Much In The Future, It Is Never In Reach, Just Be Here In The Now, Thats Why Its A Gift The Present, Its Never Repeated Twice Never Good Or Bad. That Is the Mentality Of Men. Try It If It Doesn't Work Out Then Changed It

All I can say to that whole comment is( thank goodness I'm single.) Totally Confused.YES!. But thats men for you.they never give a straight answer to anything,I  think the comments had something to do with living in the present,and that others comment's were a' going no where type of attitude' attached to them, We all had TRUST,but bad things happen, we don't live in denial about them, or push them under the rug, we express them, we don,t stay stuck in the present, we don't pretend,PAIN is A very human emotion, let it go, then move on.....................

There Is No Need For "Straight Answer" Because Life In General Cannot Be Broken Down To Simple Answers. If You Need Them, Then Your Being Way Too Analytical On A Part Of Life. That Is No Good For You. What Is A "Woman's Trust" Mean, Consist Of, Need, Made Up With Unwritten Rules?. I Agree That Bad Things Do Happen. There's No Need To Be In Denial, Push'em Under The Rug. Why Do You Express Them...? What Do You Gain From That? When You're Being Present, You're Never "Stuck". Why Would You Have A Need To Pretend?  How Is It You Feel Pain With Emotions? Its An Ego Issue And Is Greatly Overlooked And Not Given Enough Attention. Ask Your Self: Why Is It That An Action That Someone Else Did Hurt Me? Why Is It Hurting Me. Or More Importantly "Why Am I Allowing/Letting This Situation To Which I Have No Power Over Make Me "Feel Pain". Alot Of The "Painful Emotions" Come From A Deep Rooted Insecurity That Manifests It Self. Why (I Call It "Wallow" And Get Stuck In Misery) Brood Anger, And Stay In A Situation That Makes You Uncomfortable? Leave That Situation And Look For Positive Things In Life. Being Happy Is A 24 Hour Job. Working Hard For It Is A Requirement. Remember That Everyone Is Just A Human Being. Because You Are Who You Are, They Are Who They Are.